Spring Tips from the Comedy Dad

Well it’s that time of year…vacation time at the beach. It’s beautiful, the waves are flowing, people are tanning, and you see families of four with all their brand new vacation clothes.

Everyone’s eating ice cream and there is not a care in the world… for vacationers!

I’m pretty new in town, but I’ve already caught onto the local spirit. I can feel that traffic is starting to get a little thicker, the wait a little longer, and people are getting a little more aggressive. I’m just starting to notice one or two more people who don’t have a clue that you need to exit Interstate 64 East to 264 East to actually get to the Oceanfront as if they don’t believe what the GPS is saying, so they end up pulling a Richard Petty across three lanes.

See, that’s early beach season foolishness because come June if you miss your exit…”Hasta la Vista Baby” you might not get back on the highway for two hours. You would be better off in the Bermuda Triangle.

And contrary to what everyone who comes here on vacation, or those who dream about living at the beach seem to think, the locals don’t just see pretty women and handsome men all day. That is an untruth…if that’s a word. For some odd reason when people go on vacation they seem to grow a confidence inside of them they have never had back home. Because of that, Virginia Beach residents see some of the worst outfits you have ever encountered with human eyes. Everything is exposed, from stomachs and butts hanging out, to tattoos in places nobody in public should have to endure.

So I just want to say to all my local Hampton Roadians please get an EZPass and learn your way through a different tunnel or bridge to get out of town. Because the gridlock is coming. Learn the back roads, they are beautiful. Skip the traffic, but drive slowly so you don’t get a ticket. They done tore my behind up twice in Gloucester and South Hampton—them country police don’t play. And last but not least, invest in some good dark glasses to conceal what you want to look at and hide from what you don’t.

These are just some tips from The Comedy Dad as spring and summer approaches.

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