That’s my House

What do you and your babies do for fun? What’s y’all’s thang? My wife and I have many things in common from country music to die-hard Redskin fandom, but for the last five years we have really enjoyed dreaming about purchasing a new home. So now we ride to every neighborhood and surf the Internet looking for all the eye catchers and running from all the eyesores.

We had two different tastes at first. She was thinking 50 acres with horses and I was thinking brownstone and gourmet coffee. We both came to our senses after the first kid was born, when she realized between the babies and work she had like three minutes to herself and she didn’t want to spend that playing cowgirl. The reality of Downtown living dawned on me after I was put on permanent stroller patrol and I was stuck carrying that big ol’ double stroller three blocks home every night because parking is a nightmare. So we agreed on a driveway and garage—a short driveway, because I’ve gotta shovel it when it snows.

At the beginning we got tricked by the ones my wife and I now call “Cookie Cutters.” We were rookies then. These are 80 percent of the new homes being built right now. You’ve seen them. They look awesome on the Internet and when you pull in the driveway you realize they come in packs of a thousand. I have to applaud the builders, they are very creative with the shapes and high ceilings to create and the illusion as if you’ve brought a mansion. But if you have two spoiled kids and a wife that loves IKEA and Lowes, you will find out how small 2500 square feet with a garage really is. And they all look the same, not just in Virginia but nationwide, as if someone cut the shapes with a Christmas cookie cutter – ergo the name.

Next, I will share some wisdom that I learned as a child. Never judge a book by its cover or in this case: Never Judge An Outdated house by Its Beautiful Brick Covering. My wife will cut off all conversation if she sees any white appliances, which makes me laugh because I do all the cooking. I guess my baby wants the best for me, what can I say? And I don’t know why, but if I see any floral wallpaper I think of Scooby Doo mysteries and fear I’m in a haunted house.
Although we have seen some unbelievable homes, unfortunately I haven’t used my VA Loan yet and we haven’t decided on a winner. In the meantime, if you don’t live in the hood you might see me in your hood looking around for the gem for my summer cookouts…

Look at me, 42 years old and still playing “That’s my house…”