“The Great Pumpkin”

I now agree with the old saying, “Don’t Judge a Book By its Cover.”

The roof is leaking, the inner door panel has fallen apart and the trunk won’t stay open. It has 260,000 miles and we don’t need a key in the ignition for the engine to run. But on the outside, our little orange 2002 Saturn Vue affectionately known to family members and close friends as “Pumpkin” looks brand new. And no one knows that when I’m driving it my heart is beating and I’m listening to every little sound thinking today is the day I’ll be sitting on the side of the road waiting for AAA….

It’s about the time. We need a new car like yesterday. Before my wife and I had the kids we didn’t care. We chose disposable income over vanity, luxury, and for that matter, safety. I’m not sure if the kids even know we own Pumpkin. I think my son rode in the car once and we got caught in a heavy rain storm passing the Yorktown and had to duck into a 7-11 under the gas pump dome while I kept checking to the oil to look busy until the storm passed.IMG_0587

So now we’re on the hunt for a new vehicle and I must say it’s pretty fun. We have narrowed it down to a few different make and models.

First, we visited Priority Honda in Hampton because my wife loves the Honda Crosstour. The ride is everything we love, all wheel drive, great gas mileage and cheap. Plus if you have ever owned a Honda then you’re aware these cars don’t break down. It’d be like having a new “Pumpkin” and the car would crumble all around me before the engine died.

Our second prospect is my favorite, the Audi Q7. I told my wife the SUV whispers “Comedy Dad” every time I see one sitting on a lot whether it be the Dark Blue 2010 at Carmax Virginia Beach or the Charcoal Gray 2015 at Tyslingers Audi in Hampton. She replied that I might need to get my hearing checked if $60,000 cars are whispering to me. I thought I told the jokes around here, but she explained her point when she refreshed my memory about our dreams of owning a home and eating at our favorite restaurants in Hampton Roads. I agreed because nothing should come between a man and his dinner.IMG_0585

Well this is all a dream for right now because first, we don’t have the money. Second, we don’t have the money. Third, we don’t have the money. Plus “Pumpkin” is still riding strong even tho my socks get wet and every now and again I gotta climb out the back seat to get out. But hey it’s paid for and plus I wanna try this seafood spot in Newport News called “Crab Shack on the James.”


Twitter: @alexscottcomedy