That New House Smell!

Who doesn’t like that New House smell? New house, car, or clothes smell for that matter. I can’t explain what it does or the effect that it has on you. You sleep better, the car seems to drive faster…
It must drive my son crazy. As soon as the door opened to our new home he took off running, touching everything. At one point he just ran his fingers down each wall if he was setting his perimeter.
And I can already tell these new steps are gonna be a problem. We had an elevator in our last building, so they are like new toys to him. I just witnessed a WWE move off the third step. He knew he was wrong because he looked at me and told himself “no no” for me.
My wife didn’t even see the kitchen or the living room trying to beat me upstairs to start claiming closet space. You should have seen her, acting like a kid at Christmas stacking her shoes as if they were rare coins.
My daughter is just like her daddy and noticed everyone had laid claim to something in the house, so she had to make her move. That’s when I heard it. The loudest gas you’ve ever heard. With a strong odor that swept in like a tornado.
At first I thought an adult was hiding behind the kitchen island, because there was no way a baby sounded like that. Nope, it was baby girl still in her car seat, mad that we all ran off and left her in the middle of the floor while we claimed our rooms like the California Gold Rush. I guess she figured she would teach us a lesson. There it went it the blink of an eye, my New House smell was gone.
Finally, we all walked into our little backyard. My wife and I both had that cookout smile. It’s small, but it’s big enough for a grill and T-ball set. Out of nowhere I heard the biggest bark and seen my neighbors’ dog doo doo right in the edge my lawn and it stank so badly. We use to live with our backs to river in Norfolk. For the first time as a family we all looked at each other like: What is this New Smell?


Twitter: @alexscottcomedy


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